The Dark Side of Love. The Female Shadow is a Controversial Issue

Table of Contents

The feminist movement has won many rights for women, and nowadays women play a greater role in society. In the process, everything feminine is seen in an unquestioningly positive light. However, there is a dark side that has not been discussed yet. Men are coming under increasing pressure. Emotional abuse and withdrawal of love, scheming and female ego are discussed here by a woman. Part I, Part II

Denied Sexuality and a Sick Heart

Schwarz-Schilling explains in Tattva Viveka 50 that the cause of the woman’s pain is a vulnerable sexuality, and the man’s pain is a vulnerable and closed heart. It is the respective passive pole that is most vulnerable. Here we see how essential the integration of sexuality into the woman’s life is for her healing. However, it is easy to deny the respective passive pole, the sexuality in the woman and the heart in the man, and to dismiss it as unimportant. The one-sided positive connotation of love in society and the questionable view of sexuality make this approach even more difficult. Traditional society has reinforced this unhealthy, one-sided polarization by forbidding men to feel and suppressing women’s sexuality. Contrary to popular belief, men’s longing for love and emotional affirmation is much greater than women’s. This can be seen even in little girls, who are often more emotionally independent. Interestingly, in Indian philosophy, women are considered to have nine times the need for sexuality as men, making them unsuitable for celibacy.

However, I believe that women are not only wounded in their sexuality and men are not only wounded in their hearts, but that other factors contribute to the problem. But the poles are different, and perhaps the hurt in the passive pole is more difficult to overcome than in the active pole. In Native American psychology and wisdom teachings, the feminine quality is receptivity (allowing oneself to be touched, accepting, perceiving) and the masculine quality is activity (acting, building, adventuring). Each person carries both masculine and feminine qualities, but it is very important to be at peace with one’s own gender. Women have a masculine soul and men have a feminine soul. When a woman is hurt, she flees into her masculine spirit to not feel the pain. By not allowing herself to be accepted and touched, she also robs herself of the ability to use her feminine qualities. The same is true for the male. Although the feminine principle can also be found in the man, since every human being carries both principles within him, it can find a different expression in the woman. The same is true of the masculine principle.

fire clown
Feuer Clown I (Fire Clown), (1921) by Paul Klee. Original portrait painting from The Art Institute of Chicago. Digitally enhanced by rawpixel.

The female creative power

The healed woman does not have to be a man, she has to be a woman! More than ever, society needs women to bring their feminine power to bear in their respective professional fields. This is especially true in politics, business and science. These fields were once dominated by men, and it is only in recent years that women have fought for their place. Unfortunately, this has often been at the cost of masculinizing them and suppressing their feminine qualities – for fear of not being recognized and taken seriously.

We also need a social consciousness that values feminine qualities. Female-dominated industries still pay less than traditionally male professions. This is an expression of female oppression and disrespect. At the same time, society is disintegrating into pathological structures because of the lack of feminine social aspects.

We live in a society that believes only in what can be measured and seen. The visible is the masculine principle. The penis is there – it cannot be overlooked. I can feel a woman’s loving heart, but how can I see it? If someone does not like me or I feel that I am being bullied, I have at most a (dull) feeling about it. In a rationalistic-enlightened society, such leading (!) feelings are usually denied. Evidence has become dogma. This points to an important problem. We cannot recognize the feminine shadow and use the feminine strengths positively if we, as a society, continue to deny this invisible knowledge. Since the emancipation of women, however, it is primarily the feminine strengths that have been denied, and women have primarily acquired masculine knowledge – and considered only that to be important. A woman who wants to be a mother today, for example, is stigmatized. But a shadow does not disappear just because it is ignored. The more it is denied, the more it paves the way for healing. Why am I writing this article? I am for equality. Equality here means equality of substance, appreciation, equal rights for different qualities, not formal egalitarianism, as in the promotion of women in technical professions, for example. Women have been oppressed in many ways in the past – and this stage has certainly not been completely overcome. That’s why I welcome the women’s movement to a certain extent. In the meantime, however, I feel that I must speak out for men as well. I am in favor of equal rights for male and female qualities, but I am not in favor of the oppression of men. For me, the task of the future is to finally create a planet that does not overemphasize one principle or the other, but knows how to lead a common dance of the different qualities. I know that a man, even if he feels the same way, cannot write this kind of article because he would immediately be accused of sexism.

colour clock
Interieur mit der Uhr (Interior with the Clock) (1913) by Paul Klee. Original portrait painting from The Art Institute of Chicago. Digitally enhanced by rawpixel.

The goal must be for men to be able to name emotional assault in the same way that women can name rape. To do this, we need to develop a new capacity for discernment at the level of the heart, which passes through clarified feeling, and competent people who can distinguish between ego and self in order to judge it. Women today often use the male shadow and the moral embarrassment of sexuality to accuse men where no accusation is warranted. I wish that men would be wiser than these women and not declare every expression of emotion by a woman to be abuse. Because then the men who have experienced real abuse suffer again.

A healed woman and a healed man have integrated their own gender as well as the other male and female principle within themselves and can meet each other in their true power, love and sexuality. In the healed state, the woman is the giver on the heart level and the man is the receiver. The man is the giving aspect on the sexual level and the woman is the receiving one. They no longer need to exploit each other emotionally or sexually, but can enter into a mutual cycle of giving and receiving. The power and energy of this mutual exchange becomes potent in such a relationship and contributes to the joy of both.


Hollstein, Walter (2012): The devalued man. The male view of emancipation. In: Tattva Viveka 52: Man Man! Berlin, pp. 8-17

Schwarz-Schilling, Alexandra (2012): The Polarity of the Sexes. IN: Tattva Viveka 50: Everything is Relation. Man, Earth, Cosmos. Berlin, pp. 16-25

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Dr. Gabriele Sigg


Dr. Gabriele Maria Sigg studied philosophy and sociology, investigating honor as the basis of a healthy society as her Ph.D. work. She is an expert in Greek philosophy and “Deutsche Geisteswissenschaft” (German Poets and Thinkers). Dr. Sigg translates the original Western spiritual and personal character development ideas for a fulfilled life into modern language. Through personal experience and her professional expertise in philosophy and sociology, she envisioned the importance of Emotional Education not to repeat the unproductive cycles of male-female / matriarchy-patriarchy / mind-emotional-polarization. Instead, her mission is to create a balanced society that embodies love, freedom, and honor (justice).

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